Don't Abandon Others or Yourself When You Start to Grow

The moment you start improving, something strange happens to the people around you. You cut out drinking, or start a side hustle, or begin taking your health seriously, and instead of cheering, a few of them get oddly cold. A joke here, an eye roll there, a subtle push to get you back to how you used to be. It catches most people off guard, and it is one of the trickiest parts of trying to grow.

Why do people pull you back when you improve?

As you move forward, you start seeing the limits of the people around you, and they feel it too. The second you head in a new direction, some of them quietly develop the opposite agenda. It tends to happen most when you step outside your comfort zone, because your growth holds up a mirror they did not ask for.

It helps to understand what is really going on. They might genuinely know your new direction is a good idea and still not want to accept it or do it themselves. That is not always malice. Change is uncomfortable, and watching someone close to you change can stir up everything they have been avoiding in their own life. Their resistance is usually about them, not about you.

Don’t abandon your own path

So here is the first half of the rule. Do not abandon yourself. If you want to build the side hustle, quit the addiction, get in shape, or fix your diet, then go for it and keep going. The discomfort of the people around you is not a signal to stop. The awkwardness passes. The regret of quitting on yourself does not.

Your job is to stay the course without needing everyone to approve of it first. Approval is nice when it comes, but waiting for it hands your progress to people who may never be ready to give it. Keep moving forward even when the room goes quiet.

Don’t abandon them either

Now the harder half. Do not abandon them. It is tempting, when people are not supporting you, to look down on them or cut them off in frustration. Resist that. Remember that the very people you are tempted to leave behind are standing exactly where you stood not long ago. You were not always this version of yourself either.

Marcus Aurelius gave himself a simple instruction for exactly this. People exist for the sake of one another, he wrote, so either teach them or bear with them. Not sneer at them, not abandon them. Teach if you can, and where you cannot, be patient. So when your paths diverge, and sometimes they will, do it with humility rather than contempt. Grow, absolutely, and do not shrink to keep anyone comfortable. But bring as much patience for their starting point as you wish someone had shown you at yours. You can rise without stepping on anyone on the way up.

Frequently asked question

Should I cut off people who don’t support my growth?
Not out of anger or superiority. Do not abandon your own path to keep them comfortable, but do not look down on them either. Marcus Aurelius put it well: people exist for one another, so teach them or bear with them. Remember they are standing where you once stood, since you were not always this version of yourself. If your paths genuinely diverge, do it with humility rather than contempt. You can grow fully without stepping on anyone on the way up.